I’m not always able to look into a guy’s eyes while we fuck. Apparently it only works if I have no feelings for him and he’s just something attached to a live dildo. But when I like the guy, when I feel the sting of love, I always look away, I can’t keep eye contact for more than fractions of a second. I’m afraid. Afraid of what he’d think of me, afraid of letting him know me deeper than to the cervix. Afraid. Never looked into a guy’s eyes while giving him a blowjob. I’ve always said I’d do it with the one man I love. Just that he’s not here anymore.